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Emotional Control
April 20th, 2016
Thank you Christy Rose for the request
Springer Link
Definition – Emotional control can be thought of as a facet of emotion regulation, but refers primarily to attempts by an individual to manage the generation, experience, or expression of emotion, and/or one’s emotional responses (Gross, 1999). Emotional control, like emotional expression, is tied the broader context of emotion regulation. Emotional control can occur as part of antecedent-focused regulation prior to generation of emotion or through response-focused regulation after an emotion has been generated (Gross, 1998a). Emotional control can refer to the ability to exercise influence over emotion, and modulate emotion through the use of cognitive or behavioral strategies (Gross, 1998b; Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). The ways in which individuals are able to achieve emotional control have implications for health and well-being (Beck, 1995; Berg, Skinner, & Ko, 2009).
Emotional Intelligence (EI) and Emotional Quotient (EQ) will be helpful to understanding emotional control. In very raw terms your EI is your ability to recognize and manipulate yours and others emotions. You may be able to empower and inspire someone. On the darker side you may be able to make them choke and fail. Your ability to motivate yourself or look on the brighter side are also examples of emotional control. EQ is that by which EI is measured. Some claim that EI is more important than Intelligence Quotient (IQ) when predicting the success of an individual. The argument rages. It seems to me that you could be smartest person you know but if you can’t overcome the urge to tell you your boss “go f**k yourself” life is going to be difficult for you. Like wise if you have complete control of your emotions and are able to sense others you still have to be able to do the math therefor I don’t hold one as more important than the other. A good EI and IQ score are necessary for success. EI is discounted by some professionals because there is no mathematical calculation or formula. Still that’s no reason to disregard it’s value. I don’t think it should be call Emotional Intelligence because it really is a skill that can be developed like any other skill.
Most would agree the ability to delay gratification is a testament to ones emotional control. There is a very simple test called the Marshmallow Test that test the ability to delay gratification. A child is left in a room with a marshmallow and told that if they didn’t eat it they could have two marshmallows when the tester returns. Turns out that the children who were able to wait for the second marshmallow were described as more competent and there was a correlation to higher SAT scores.
I’m impulsive; more so than I’d like to be. I actually think I’m getting worse about it as I get older. I’m having a hell of a time finding the emotional strength to quit smoking cigarettes. Some would say smoking is a big deal and others not so much. A greater value of emotional control can be seen in romantic relationships. I manage to maintain an exclusive relationship and that to me is a big deal. The lack of emotional control greatly contributes to the destruction of many relationships. When I compare that to smoking I suppose I could be engaged in far worse behavior.
If your curious about your emotional abilities you can Test Your Emotional Intelligence. Don’t be dishonest. That’s the first emotional test.
The AC/DC lyrics in For those about to Rock (We ain’t no legend, ain’t no cause we’re just livin’ for today) is about feeling a whirlwind of emotion; totally out of control. It’s often viewed as living on the edge. On the flip side of the coin would be Spock in StarTrek often seen as a superior being. Spock’s Vulcan ancestry try to be without emotion. 
The first leads to self destruction; in many cases taking those cared about with the individual. The second stifles our very means of communication with the Universe. There are cases of those with alexithymia (article). A person can be detached from emotion without being a psychopath. In this instance contentment (when it’s not a feeling) takes the place of happiness. Caring for a family becomes like a mathematical equation. If you work and earn money and your family will eat. Some believe this is closer to how the Universe functions. I say they couldn’t be farther from the truth. Man actually has no purpose if not to be happy. So important is the pursuit of happiness that it’s it part of the Declaration of Independence and is as American as you can get. Even sadness at a certain event is only to serve more understanding and more happiness in doing so. The Rule of Human Need, on the Health and Happiness page, describes what it takes to be happy and that it’s a conveyance the Universe can flourish by. Being a true moderate I hold to the middle ground like with most issues. Finding that appropriate amount of emotion is what serves existence best. So what’s the appropriate amount? It will be different for everyone but perfect to the individual.
Not enough emotional control is bad. Too much emotional deprivation is also bad but just the right amount of emotional control is the key to happiness and the broadening horizon of an ever expanding Universe. Until next time, keep your homes well.
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