How Do Adult Relationships Effect The Children?
May 6th, 2015
Thank you Lisa Kamuda for the suggestion.
This request spans an enormous range of possibilities because every child and adult relationship is different. Some children actually get stronger and more independent as a result of thoughtless parents who argue all the time; rare. They learn that they’ll have to find their own models of normalcy. That being said, their independence may cost them a meaningful intimate relationship in their young adult and adult years. Childhood Maltreatment Affects Adult Romantic Relationships. It took me several attempts at meaningful adult relationships with friends or a partner and still I @#$%^& it up. (Try, try again) A don’t have a marriage but I do have relationships that I can call normal. It’s good to have some one besides myself to depend on.
I was able to find plenty of material on parent child relationships but not a lot on adult adult relationships and their effects on children. I’m just going to go with what I know and use personal experience. I will be referring to my website a few times in accordance with the topic. If Occupational Parenting ( a little long winded for our purposes but certainly applicable) was a reality there would be multi- billion dollar firms dedicated to the raising of each child and would certainly be impacted by adult’s relationships to each other and how they persuade the children.
I think some issues are so intense between the adults a separation would be in the child’s best interest. The problem with that is it shows a child a time to give up but not a time to persevere and work things out. Children growing to adults need both examples because there is an appropriate time for each.
Children learn so much from grown ups that I’m not going to get them all but here are several:
- Love
- Trust
- Affection
- How and when to be intimate (Book and overview) What Children Learn from Their Parents’ Marriage
- Compassion
- Communication
- Discipline
- Confidence
- Humility
- Humor
- Honesty
Children can also learn the opposites of these but most times it will be a mix. Integrate them effectively and you’ll get a healthy adult.
While kids are learning from their parents there are other multiple influences; aunts, uncles, parent’s friends, and peers. This is important because if the kids aren’t getting the appropriate emotional and cognitive ques from their parents they will seek to appease their environment with examples from these other sources.
Children watch everything. Their lives depend on it in a primal instinctive way but also in a way that will provide for quality of of life. The essential question of the child is “how will I survive”. They seek the answers to that question with their whole being. If the parents have a good relationship but one parent is closer to one of their friends the kid may learn that marriage doesn’t come first. In a healthy relationship the kids should identify with both parents. When I say healthy relationship the parents are good examples, realistic, and still manage to be playful, putting no other before their children.
If a child sees that everything has an angle from the adults in their lives the child is likely to grow up wheeling and dealing establishing no deep emotional relationships. On the flip side if the kid sees love of family and respect between individuals they will probably grow to fill those shoes.
It would be fool hearty to believe the environment is the whole story behind who a child will become. Look for The Rule of Socialized Genetics on the Environment webpage to get an idea of what else may be driving a child’s development. If a child is to be happy they will also have to fulfill The Rule of Human Need on the Health and Happiness webpage.
The important thing to remember is that if a child sees adults surviving by a certain means or measure they will realize that it is an option for them. The more exposure to those means the more the probability of incorporating them into their own lives. With all of that taking place they are also predisposed to their genetics or the means that their parents and the parents before them used. To utilize as much information as can be had in the raising of each child can and should help adults to model their behavior and interactions with each other to the child’s advantage. Also see Positive Parent-Child Relationships. It gives ideas about community involvement in the raising of children. Until next time, keep your homes well.
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